No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
