lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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