Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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