Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
