I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
