No stitches, just platelets and will power
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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