Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
we're so committed to being not committed
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
