that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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