sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
