We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
