we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
