Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
