Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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