how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
