why do cheetos always look like penises
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
