I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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