I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Randomize
