I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
