"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
