dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i think my mom watched the whole time
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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