I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
