alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
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I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
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Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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