All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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