I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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