Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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