It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
a search helicopter?!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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