Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
