it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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