Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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