I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We're too hungover to prance.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
