im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
