he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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