a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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