we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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