I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
