I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
