It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
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my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
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I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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