So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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