Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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