you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
