He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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