I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
