Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
