When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
