I just saw a hot homeless man
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
