1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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