Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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