is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
