god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
