Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
