We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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