My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
