so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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