I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
