but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
