I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize