and you said cock pushups were impossible
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
