We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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