Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
