I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
