a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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