Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
