so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
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I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
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One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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