i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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