I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
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i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
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Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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