Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
