pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
