my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
