There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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