The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
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Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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