Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
