he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
