I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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