got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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